Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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