remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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