hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
