Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
