Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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