I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
