I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
its not stalking. its research.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
