Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
