I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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