Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
