seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
