Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
