i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
