Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
