i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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