Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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