I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
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The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
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I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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