if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
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Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
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New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
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