Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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