So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
