highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
