I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
