You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
