I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
