my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
