how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
