you would pick up someone in the library
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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