Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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