I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
