Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
