Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
How's work?
Spinning.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
