I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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