"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
