you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Vodka?
Forever.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
