We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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