On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
