my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
