She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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