It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
