I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
