u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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