I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
