genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
