1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
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the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
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AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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