I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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