We're facebook friends in real life
Me too!
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
im on a boat
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