make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
