My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
