Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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