Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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