I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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