Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
