Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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