The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
