Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
my being single is dangerous.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
