She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
