I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
