evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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