I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'm like, not good at living.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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