He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Randomize
