the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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