Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
