when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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