i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
