did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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