So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
