I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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