SEEEEXXX PLEASE
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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