oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
