I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
How does it feel to date your dad?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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