I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
