I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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