i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
