How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I will be naked everywhere
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Randomize
