so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
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